slow it down for a second, would you?

hey there.
sorry for the short hiatus. i was visiting my grandparents for the past 11 days
and had no internet access.

i’m an open book with a torn out page and my ink’s run out. i want
to love you but i don’t know how
neptune – sleeping at last

songs seem to fill the hollow shell that is left of me in a way just saying
words never could.

don’t ask my opinion, don’t ask me to lie, then beg for forgiveness for making you cry. cause i’m only human after all, don’t put the blame on me.
human – rag’n’bone man

i sometimes wonder how humanity still exists. all we do is cause wars and create chaos.
i have not been on this earth very long, yet i am already tired of it.

today, day, i want to go away, way. cause things are too fast now. i want to be in slowtown.
slowtown – twenty one pilots

summer has just begun, yet it feels as if it will be gone tomorrow. i lie in my bed at light wondering if i will ever have the courage to do something bold enough to
leave a lasting mark.


everyday brings more pressure and fear than the last.
i just wish life could slow down.

today i am a year older.
the number will change.
i can only hope i will change with it, or i will be left behind.

stay alive



change is good sometimes

hey my dudes!
after attending a catholic school all year, and not being able to anything interesting with my appearance due to a uniform and dress code, i decided to do something a little crazy.

i’ve been wanting to dye my hair for a while now, and i finally got permission from my parents, and did it!

it took all of these supplies.


my natural hair was brown with red highlights.

sorry this picture is so horrible. it’s from my first day of school last year. i look way different now, but my hair color was the same.

anyway, before i actually dyed my hair, i had to bleach it.

it looks kind of orange in the photo. it looked a little more blonde in real life.

i ended up with this:

i was just really bored with my hair before. i think i’ll keep it like this in high school.
so, what do you guys think?

it’s getting hot out now that it’s summer, so make sure you drink lots of water,
okay? love you.

stay alive



school ended yesterday. i finished eighth grade. i thought i would feel something as i walked through the doors for the last time as a student, but i didn’t. the other kids were on the verge of tears, and some were sobbing quietly to themselves.

my entire class came together in a group hug and just looked at each other in complete silence like we didn’t want it to end.

i won’t miss getting up early, and desperately trying to fix whatever i saw wrong with myself that day. or trying to get that one kid who no one likes to leave me alone. or the constant stress to finish my homework, and get the the answers right(cause if i don’t know a plant cell’s structure or the pythagorean theorem i couldn’t possibly be worth anything).

i was fine. i comforted friends as they got into their cars. but i didn’t feel anything. i was only there for a year and a quarter, but i thought it would mean something more than a “see you this summer.”

high school’s coming. i’m honestly afraid to be homeschooled again for a reason i can’t find the words to explain. how do you survive so much change and never having a say in any of it? i don’t know.

it’s hard all the time and i know sometimes things seem hopeless but please, please

stay alive