endings

school ended yesterday. i finished eighth grade. i thought i would feel something as i walked through the doors for the last time as a student, but i didn’t. the other kids were on the verge of tears, and some were sobbing quietly to themselves.

my entire class came together in a group hug and just looked at each other in complete silence like we didn’t want it to end.

i won’t miss getting up early, and desperately trying to fix whatever i saw wrong with myself that day. or trying to get that one kid who no one likes to leave me alone. or the constant stress to finish my homework, and get the the answers right(cause if i don’t know a plant cell’s structure or the pythagorean theorem i couldn’t possibly be worth anything).

i was fine. i comforted friends as they got into their cars. but i didn’t feel anything. i was only there for a year and a quarter, but i thought it would mean something more than a “see you this summer.”

high school’s coming. i’m honestly afraid to be homeschooled again for a reason i can’t find the words to explain. how do you survive so much change and never having a say in any of it? i don’t know.

it’s hard all the time and i know sometimes things seem hopeless but please, please

stay alive
–
jenny